When you think about the word peace, what immediately comes to mind?  Do you instantly think about world peace? Do you think of international relations and conflict resolution between nations? I’m guessing that for most people, the word peace primarily evokes thoughts around some aspect or other to do with global peace.  What about peace as applied to you?  What about how your personal peace is impacted at work?  Everyone has at one time or another in their work life come across individuals or groups of people that they experience as difficult, unpleasant, or challenging to deal with. We can all relate to the experience of having our peace disrupted at work from interactions with certain individuals.

Sometimes we can roll with it and not let the situation get to us; at other times, perhaps not so much.  And some are better than others at coping with distresses in the workplace.  When we experience triggers that push our buttons at work, we may start to feel angry, resentful, fearful, demoralized, like a victim, etc.  The situation may also impact our physical health.  Perhaps to relieve our tension we find ourselves talking about a particular person/situation at practically every coffee and lunch break; and even after the work day has ended we may find ourselves obsessing about who said what, who did what, playing it back over and over again to ourselves and any willing audience.  Been there, done that?  That is your personal peace being disrupted at work.

It’s difficult isn’t it to keep our balance when someone says or does something at work that offends us or that we think is unfair or uncalled for.  In the face of work situations/people that ruffle our feathers, we don’t consistently respond in an ideal way.  Instead, we may find ourselves silently being wounded, stewing about it, or speaking out by reacting with a retort or putdown (however veiled), and then there’s the practice of passive-aggressive behaviour as a way to feel some degree of control over our work day experience.  Even when we tell ourselves not to let something/someone get to us, upset us or put us in a bad mood for the rest of the day, for some reason, we often meet with limited success with our good intentions.  Why is that?

Two factors are at play that keep us falling into the trap of reacting in ways that are unhelpful to our peace: ego and habit.  The ego sees part of its job as protecting and defending against perceived threats such as feeling attacked, slighted, hurt pride, etc.  Ever vigilant on the look out for offenses directed its way, ego reacts instinctively, out of habit with one form or another of defense.  Although we are creatures of habit, the good news is we can choose to change our routines.  If your current approach to workplace tensions, conflicts, and disagreements isn’t yielding the results you seek then try a new routine.  So how exactly can you go about making peaceful communication and behaviour a habit?

SELF-TALK AND SELF-CONTROL

Peace in the workplace is about empowerment not passivity.  It’s about learning to control how you respond to situations/people that disrupt your workday peace.  Self-talk and self-control are a key building block to help you effectively manage your responses rather than trying to ignore or suppress them or getting worked-up and confrontational:

• Reminding yourself that, “everything is not always about you”! More often than not how someone communicates and behaves reflects on them and their issues/needs.  Let that be a mantra that helps you unlearn the habit of taking things personally.
• Practice meditation with the intention to interact positively with others.  Even if five or ten minutes of a lunch/coffee break are devoted to such a meditation it will, over time, re-educate the ego and build new habits within you.  Try, during the stillness of a meditation, to sense the perspective of the person who is triggering you; try to see things through their eyes. If you give it a chance, you’ll find that this can work wonders!
• Begin the work day with an affirmation that you can also repeat to yourself in the midst of a stressful situation.  E.G. you might repeat to yourself something like: I will listen and respond objectively; I will seek clarification in each situation before I respond; I will focus on communicating the behaviour I expect from others rather than lashing out; I will not get hooked into other people’s negative behaviour.

FOCUS ON OUTCOMES

Before you say or do something, ask yourself, what do I want to happen as a result of my words or behaviour? What outcome and impact am I seeking?  In our fast paced lives, we’ve become habituated to instant reaction whether it’s via email, texting, in-person at a meeting, and so forth.  When you think about it though, there’s rarely a situation that requires an instant response; so train yourself to sleep on things.  That way you can reflect on how best to handle a situation without reacting impetuously from a place of your personal triggers – i.e. responding without aggression, quick temperedness, wounded ego, etc.

YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO YOUR STATE OF PEACE

When you take ownership of your workday experience and increase your capacity to maintain your peace in the workplace, you contribute to a ripple effect.  By that I mean that, when we each work on increasing our ability to stay peaceful, bit by bit, we create a movement, we create the norm, we are way-showers for the transformation beyond ourselves!  In the face of confrontation and disruptive behaviours in the workplace, we can choose to respond from a place of compassion, patience and forgiveness.  We can choose to not get swept up in other peoples’ dramas.  Transform yourself and you transform not only your experience, but that of others as well!

And do remember, we are a work in progress.   So, if at times it feels like you are taking one step forward and two steps back, at least stop to praise yourself for the awareness and self-reflection you are doing regarding your thoughts, attitudes, and behaviour.  The rest will follow in the fullness of time with commitment and discipline.